“Everything just happens,” she replies. Breaking into Yunlan’s place had felt that way too, like an impulse she’d spared mere seconds of thought justifying. Violence feels like pleasure when it carries you through another day. “I don’t think I can do peace.”
"Kind of hard to turn the other cheek when other people are into an eye for an eye," she replies. "And I think I've been a whole lot more peaceful than I could be. A couple scraps in seven months isn't much."
"I ain't tellin' you it's not peaceful enough," he points out, seeing the way she'd flinched. "I'm fucking shocked I made it this long without getting in any real fights, and sometimes that's just 'cause I don't wanna get demoted."
Which is a terrible fucking reason not to shoot a man, but he knows where he came from.
"There's always gonna be people out there wantin' something from you that you ain't willin' to give."
She wonders if getting demoted would even deter her, if going back to her world to die feels like a struggle. It says wonders for his self-control just the same.
"And I'm supposed to just ignore it when guys like Yunlan or William push my buttons, disrespect me?" She shrugs one shoulder. "I don't like getting messed up but sometimes there's no other way out."
He shakes his head. "No, that's... that's a fine line. Difficult to really make a good call about this. I try not to get in a position where my buttons can get pushed," is the best he can do.
"I'm steering clear," she replies. For the most part, anyway. It's not a very big ship. "And he's still starting shit. Some inmate friend of his threatened me the other day. I can't just ignore that."
"Things are bound to flare up," she knows that as well as he does. "We was in conflict with the O'Driscolls for years. Anytime one of us saw the other, it was always bad business."
"That's how it works in the black market, too, we just kill each others' guys until someone takes out a top dog, and then there's a new top dog, and the whole thing continues," she replies, pointedly. She didn't kill Robert for nothing. "But if Yunlan picks another fucking fight, then what? If I don't do anything he wins, if I do something about it myself, it's my fault because I let him push my buttons? I'm supposed to just stand back and let you handle it?"
"Of course not. I ain't your daddy - but maybe he don't win if you ignore that smug piece of shit. Playing into it means there's nothing to win, either side."
He holds up a hand, expecting pushback. "I know I ain't always done that myself. But I coulda done with someone telling me this years ago."
"Tell him to get the hell away, and that he's actively hindering you. If he keeps it up he can at least be aware he thinks his own ego is more important than your life."
Tess shakes her head, unconvinced that’d do anything at all. If Yunlan thinks he can foil something, he will. It’s the job description, and she’s the criminal.
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"You coulda done peace, here, and you ain't doin' it."
So. Why?
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"Kind of hard to turn the other cheek when other people are into an eye for an eye," she replies. "And I think I've been a whole lot more peaceful than I could be. A couple scraps in seven months isn't much."
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"I ain't tellin' you it's not peaceful enough," he points out, seeing the way she'd flinched. "I'm fucking shocked I made it this long without getting in any real fights, and sometimes that's just 'cause I don't wanna get demoted."
Which is a terrible fucking reason not to shoot a man, but he knows where he came from.
"There's always gonna be people out there wantin' something from you that you ain't willin' to give."
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"And I'm supposed to just ignore it when guys like Yunlan or William push my buttons, disrespect me?" She shrugs one shoulder. "I don't like getting messed up but sometimes there's no other way out."
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He shakes his head. "No, that's... that's a fine line. Difficult to really make a good call about this. I try not to get in a position where my buttons can get pushed," is the best he can do.
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"Things are bound to flare up," she knows that as well as he does. "We was in conflict with the O'Driscolls for years. Anytime one of us saw the other, it was always bad business."
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"Of course not. I ain't your daddy - but maybe he don't win if you ignore that smug piece of shit. Playing into it means there's nothing to win, either side."
He holds up a hand, expecting pushback. "I know I ain't always done that myself. But I coulda done with someone telling me this years ago."
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“It’s not playing,” she says. “Not when he’s convinced I’m up to shit and it’s his job to intervene.”
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"Tell him to get the hell away, and that he's actively hindering you. If he keeps it up he can at least be aware he thinks his own ego is more important than your life."
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“We’ll see what happens next time,” she says.
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It's the best he could do, without him being the one to help her out. She really does have to get herself out of this kind of trouble, though.
So he just nods, seriously. "That's all we can do."
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It’s odd to have to use that self-control, after so many years of relying on violence or partners’ violence in equal measure.
“I’m gonna keep my head down for a bit, I think.”
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He isn't going to keep her to that, that's for sure. But he'll do her the courtesy of nodding and rapping his knuckles on the table.
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“I’ll get you a better heads up next time, at the very least.”
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"Much obliged, Tess."
He gets up, creaking a little, and lets out a sigh. "I gotta go get some people set up to clean. You good?"