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[stand_unshaken]

 

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[dog_eat_dog]

"No," she replies. She can't imagine growing up dodging violence and ever changing that –– every child she's encountered since the outbreak has only been worse for it, far more miserable than any kid she'd known growing up. Something like that seems set in stone. "When?"

[stand_unshaken]

"When that doctor told me I had tuberculosis. That I oughta find somewhere warm and nice to convalesce. When I figured out I was gonna die."

He leans forward, cup of coffee totally forgotten.

"I couldn't look back, and I couldn't look forward, until I thought I was no longer going to be a part of the world."

[dog_eat_dog]

Tess just watches him, mulling that over.

"And you're still barely planning for your own future," she points out. "Just other people's. Abigail's. Jack's, John's. Mine."

[stand_unshaken]

It catches him off-guard. He thought he had been planning for the future, despite their jokes about the subject earlier. Planning John's future - thinking about Tess' - isn't that good enough?

He falters a little and nudges his coffee cup, for the pleasure of watching the black liquid ripple. "I... I know what I want. What I like doin', in life."

[dog_eat_dog]

"Yeah, and I'm sure you could survive as some wilderness man, hunting to eat and trading whenever you need a new pair of jeans," she replies. God knows people still live that way in her time. "But I know what I like to do, too. That's not the same as planning for the future."

[stand_unshaken]

He grimaces, aware she's right. "I don't think I can keep on goin' travellin' every which way. But settling ain't too easy, neither."

[dog_eat_dog]

"Not enough people around, too many people around," she replies, nodding. "Hard balance to strike."

[stand_unshaken]

"I ain't that much of a loner that I could be happy all on my own," he agrees. "Besides. I won't away from all the danger, not closer to it."

[dog_eat_dog]

“Probably for the better,” she replies, but there’s something frustrating about that too: “You spent your entire life getting good at surviving, at dealing with that danger, for what? To start all over?”

[stand_unshaken]

"Maybe for the pleasure of peace, once the danger's passed."

He shakes his head and shrugs. "But maybe there ain't no rhyme or reason. It just happens, right?"

[dog_eat_dog]

“Everything just happens,” she replies. Breaking into Yunlan’s place had felt that way too, like an impulse she’d spared mere seconds of thought justifying. Violence feels like pleasure when it carries you through another day. “I don’t think I can do peace.”

[stand_unshaken]

"You coulda done peace, here, and you ain't doin' it."

So. Why?

[dog_eat_dog]

That cuts deep.

"Kind of hard to turn the other cheek when other people are into an eye for an eye," she replies. "And I think I've been a whole lot more peaceful than I could be. A couple scraps in seven months isn't much."

[stand_unshaken]

"I ain't tellin' you it's not peaceful enough," he points out, seeing the way she'd flinched. "I'm fucking shocked I made it this long without getting in any real fights, and sometimes that's just 'cause I don't wanna get demoted."

Which is a terrible fucking reason not to shoot a man, but he knows where he came from.

"There's always gonna be people out there wantin' something from you that you ain't willin' to give."

[dog_eat_dog]

She wonders if getting demoted would even deter her, if going back to her world to die feels like a struggle. It says wonders for his self-control just the same.

"And I'm supposed to just ignore it when guys like Yunlan or William push my buttons, disrespect me?" She shrugs one shoulder. "I don't like getting messed up but sometimes there's no other way out."

[stand_unshaken]

He shakes his head. "No, that's... that's a fine line. Difficult to really make a good call about this. I try not to get in a position where my buttons can get pushed," is the best he can do.

[dog_eat_dog]

"I'm steering clear," she replies. For the most part, anyway. It's not a very big ship. "And he's still starting shit. Some inmate friend of his threatened me the other day. I can't just ignore that."

[stand_unshaken]

"Things are bound to flare up," she knows that as well as he does. "We was in conflict with the O'Driscolls for years. Anytime one of us saw the other, it was always bad business."

[dog_eat_dog]

"That's how it works in the black market, too, we just kill each others' guys until someone takes out a top dog, and then there's a new top dog, and the whole thing continues," she replies, pointedly. She didn't kill Robert for nothing. "But if Yunlan picks another fucking fight, then what? If I don't do anything he wins, if I do something about it myself, it's my fault because I let him push my buttons? I'm supposed to just stand back and let you handle it?"

[stand_unshaken]

"Of course not. I ain't your daddy - but maybe he don't win if you ignore that smug piece of shit. Playing into it means there's nothing to win, either side."

He holds up a hand, expecting pushback. "I know I ain't always done that myself. But I coulda done with someone telling me this years ago."

[dog_eat_dog]

She’s quick to want to argue that point, but she waits for him to finish.

“It’s not playing,” she says. “Not when he’s convinced I’m up to shit and it’s his job to intervene.”

[stand_unshaken]

"Tell him to get the hell away, and that he's actively hindering you. If he keeps it up he can at least be aware he thinks his own ego is more important than your life."

[dog_eat_dog]

Tess shakes her head, unconvinced that’d do anything at all. If Yunlan thinks he can foil something, he will. It’s the job description, and she’s the criminal.

“We’ll see what happens next time,” she says.

[stand_unshaken]

It's the best he could do, without him being the one to help her out. She really does have to get herself out of this kind of trouble, though.

So he just nods, seriously. "That's all we can do."

[dog_eat_dog]

“I don’t like it, but I guess so,” she replies.

It’s odd to have to use that self-control, after so many years of relying on violence or partners’ violence in equal measure.

“I’m gonna keep my head down for a bit, I think.”