stand_unshaken | IC Inbox

stand_unshaken

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From:

dog_eat_dog

"I'm not nervous," she replies, a little sharp, but she goes to sit on his bed anyway. "I just didn't know if you wanted to be left alone."

From:

stand_unshaken

He turns around in his chair, resting his elbows on the desk behind him as he looks at her.

"Always got time for a visit from you."

From:

dog_eat_dog

She guesses it says more about her than it does him that it throws her to hear that; she doesn't often let people get close to her, and those she has still want fuck-all to do with her sometimes. Her gaze flicks to the floor and she drags it right back up.

"Well, you went pretty quiet after I dug into you, so I figured..."

A shrug.

From:

stand_unshaken

He crosses his feet at the ankles and looks at her for a minute.

"Not that I didn't wanna talk to you. But what happened... It weren't all that long ago. Right before I got here. I guess it was harder for me than I thought it was."

From:

dog_eat_dog

Fair.

"Guess I figured it'd been longer than that," she remarks. He'd arrived mere months before her, if she recalls from her slog through the old network posts correctly. "And no one's ever accused me of being delicate, anyway."

My mistake, even if she doesn't outright say it.

From:

stand_unshaken

He shrugs, then crosses his arms. "Even if I been here a while now, my life back home feels like it happened- not too long ago. You don't got to be delicate. I can take it. But I don't always know what to say after, either."

From:

dog_eat_dog

"I know you can take it, I just don't want you to be miserable," she replies. That serves no one. "Next time I'll spare you trying to figure out what to say and see myself out before I start running my mouth about a man I've never met."

From:

stand_unshaken

His jaw clenches and he tips his head forward a little. His hat is off right now, so she can still see his light blue eyes as he thinks about that.

"You read what I wrote in my journal. That's what you know about him- what I wrote about him, with my own hand. I understand."

He takes a breath and looks back up at her. "What do you want to know?"

From:

dog_eat_dog

She watches him and his pretty eyes, mulling over the question. She's never kept much of a journal, but she knows what she's written is always a hell of a lot shorter than what goes through her head.

"Do you really think he lost his way? No chance he wasn't always that way, you were just in too deep to realize it?"

From:

stand_unshaken

"Goin' right in for it, huh?"

He tips his head back down, chin to his chest, as he thinks so he can give her a real, honest answer.

"I think Dutch... I think there was always a part of him that just wanted power. Just wanted control, and money, and people that would follow him. But he used to stop at a sensible place. He used to do everything to get someone back if we lost 'em. I guess... I guess something got to him. Someone got to him. And put poison in his head."

From:

dog_eat_dog

A smile flickers on her face. Guilty as charged, but she listens.

"Not saying it was one way or the other," she replies, finally, "but people like that fall for their own bullshit long before they fall for anyone else's. They fall deep, real deeply in love with their own legends, and they always blame someone else when it goes to shit, and they leave a lot of people agonizing over things that were never in their control."

From:

stand_unshaken

"You shoulda met him a couple years ago," he says, indulging a little in reminiscing. "You woulda liked him. Everybody did. He could charm hisself into any damn place, rob 'em blind and have them thanking him for the pleasure."

He isn't really reacting to what she's saying yet, because he knows she's right. He just also wants her to understand, why he loved him. Why he still loves him, at least that old version of him.

"Don't know what it was about him that had us all believing he'd get us out. And half-- half of us ain't even alive no more to agonize over things."

From:

dog_eat_dog

Tess feels tempted to point out the dodge, and she opens her mouth like she might, but she bites down on it. No sense in starting trouble again, especially by picking on a man’s loved ones.

But despite a firm belief in moving on quickly, there is something nice about hearing someone talk about the past with any measure of fondness.

“He sounds like he was fun,” she remarks. “And if he’d pulled it off in the past he probably could again... people always put up with a lot for the sake of family.”

From:

stand_unshaken

He nods, then covers his face with both his hands. He feels exhausted, suddenly.

"He did a lot of bad shit," he mumbles, from behind his hands. "But I still can't ever repay him for the good things."

From:

dog_eat_dog

She watches him for a moment. She thinks there isn’t a person in the world who could put her through so much loss and suffering and still keep her love. She gets to her feet and goes to him just to put a hand on his shoulder.

“You don’t owe him, Arthur,” she says. She can’t know that, but that’s how she feels. “I’m sure you gave him more than most people would.”

From:

stand_unshaken

Jesus. It's like she looked right inside his head and came up with the words he's thought a million times over. "I gave him everything," he says, his voice a small, defeated thing. His hands drop away from his face and land in his lap.

He doesn't look small. But he looks old. With her hand there, comforting him, he feels like he can finally admit to it.

From:

dog_eat_dog

“You did.”

She squeezes gently and lets her hand slide down to rest on his bicep as she crouches down to look up at him instead. He does look old, but it’s familiar. Every man she’s ever known has a little of that, a little extra weight of the world on his shoulders.

“And even if he never realizes he squandered everything you gave him, it’s still his mistake for taking advantage.”

From:

stand_unshaken

He lets out a soft, pained sound, but he accepts her words. He accepts her touch, too, even reaching up to clasp her hand in his own where it's resting.

"Thought you'd think me a fool for all of this, Tess."

From:

dog_eat_dog

Tess shrugs, maybe a touch defensive.

“I guess I like fools more than I thought,” she replies, lightly.

Better than admitting it’s nice to see a big tough guy with a big heart. To be trusted with that kind of vulnerability, too.

From:

stand_unshaken

He pats her hand again, now smiling just a little.

"So I'm a fool, but you can tolerate me at the very least?"

From:

dog_eat_dog

"Exactly," she informs him. There's plenty to be said about looking back and dwelling on what's happened when you can forget it and move on, but she leaves it. "And I am doing a whole lot of tolerating, considering the peace offering I came here with."

From:

stand_unshaken

"What kind of a peace offering is that?"

He can't see booze in any of her pockets.

From:

dog_eat_dog

"I was thinking we could go for a hike in the Enclosure or something."

Not her usual fare, but that's why it's a peace offering.

From:

stand_unshaken

He perks up a little and looks at her. He practically already has his hat on at the offer.

"You're right. That is quite the peace offering, miss. I got an idea for where we could go."