"It's just pictures, but they sure as hell can mean a lot. Damn shame you
lost all'a that. But you was a cute kid," he adds, to lighten things a
little.
That drags a laugh out of her, though it’s well under her breath.
“Yeah, lots of pictures of me from dance classes in frilly dresses, and covered in birthday cake, and swimming and all that.” She shrugs, lets her gaze drift off a moment, comes back sharp. “Stopped being cute a long time ago, too.”
“You never needed to be cute, ‘cause women peak at twenty and men peak in their fifties or something,” she replies, wryly. “I’m sure people believed that in your time as much as they did in mine, yeah?”
“You can’t say that shit after I’ve seen you dressed up nice,” she informs him. “Not that I ever bought into you being ugly in the first place. Top ten, remember?”
Hard to imagine anyone so self-depreciating having a big head. Hard to imagine anyone getting pissed off at her and coming back and playing nice. God, she could kill Ellie for thinking this guy is anything like Joel. Polar opposites, most of the time.
She doesn’t pull away.
“Uh huh. Top five now, at the least. Geralt went home a while ago. Butcher’s ticking me off. You’re doing just fine.”
She snorts, amused. Not a bad way to get to the top, really. Butcher feels less amusing, her little smile fading as she talks:
“Some shit went down at home for him and I told him to put some effort into the graduation thing. He got real nasty with me.” She rolls her eyes. She shouldn’t have pushed him, probably. “A couple weeks later he had some epiphany and decided to do just that, but his apology blew and he’s been real patronizing since, so...”
She shrugs. After Joel, sticking by someone marginally more open but equally distant doesn’t feel worth it, but maybe she’s bitter, too. She feels bitter.
"Yeah, if he knows what's good for him," she replies. She doubts her awful taste in men is even remotely relevant to her being here, so: "It's his problem, not mine, so I'm just going to keep my distance for a bit."
Tess nods, and lets silence hang there for a beat. Much as she’d rather talk about this than the bullshit she’s been up to, it feels hideous to stew on it, drinking coffee like it’s an average hangout. She purses her lips.
“Not always fun for you, though, when I think about me first.”
"The present is all that really matters," she replies. It's all fine to talk about the future in the abstract, where she'll go, what she'll do, but it feels about as real as chatting with Joel about an imaginary vacation. "And I know how petty that is."
"Don't know that it's petty. You live from day to day long enough, maybe you stop being able to imagine things like that. The future is for other people."
He looks into his coffee and takes a sip.
"But it ain't. The present matters, but so does the future."
"I don't know what I'm supposed to do about that," she replies. "I could plan for the future all I want, it doesn't do anything to get me there if I've got no control over what happens in the middle."
He shakes his head. "You know I understand that. Planning big, and keep getting blindsided by Pinkertons, or the weather, or other people fucking up. I always wondered if it was just the magnitude of the plans, gettin' in the way of things."
"I know," she replies. "But I'm just getting by with what I need, and getting blindsided just happens sometimes. As long as you get out alive, you can put the rest behind you.""
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momijizukamori
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"It's just pictures, but they sure as hell can mean a lot. Damn shame you lost all'a that. But you was a cute kid," he adds, to lighten things a little.
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“Yeah, lots of pictures of me from dance classes in frilly dresses, and covered in birthday cake, and swimming and all that.” She shrugs, lets her gaze drift off a moment, comes back sharp. “Stopped being cute a long time ago, too.”
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"Well, that don't matter. I don't think I was ever cute, so at least you're one step ahead of me."
He was kind of a feral kid.
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"Well, I always figured I was gonna be dead by then, so I let myself go early," he quips. But yes: he recognizes that.
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"Right, right. I try not to hang on to compliments too long, less my head get too big."
Aw damn. He reaches out to pat her arm, just because he has to do something.
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She doesn’t pull away.
“Uh huh. Top five now, at the least. Geralt went home a while ago. Butcher’s ticking me off. You’re doing just fine.”
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"Easiest way to get to the top - kill off your competition," he says, with a wry little smile.
"Shame 'bout Butcher. What's he done?"
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“Some shit went down at home for him and I told him to put some effort into the graduation thing. He got real nasty with me.” She rolls her eyes. She shouldn’t have pushed him, probably. “A couple weeks later he had some epiphany and decided to do just that, but his apology blew and he’s been real patronizing since, so...”
She shrugs. After Joel, sticking by someone marginally more open but equally distant doesn’t feel worth it, but maybe she’s bitter, too. She feels bitter.
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"Better get his head out of ass," Arthur grumbles. He isn't too invested in Tess' sex life, but patronizing is bound to get on her nerves.
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"And no one else recently made his way into your top ten? No new arrivals?"
He isn't great at gossip, but he wants to know what's going on.
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"There are an awful lotta people here who end up finding someone here. Seems like that would just be more confusing than less."
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"Won't be me. I'll worry about that shit later."
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"You're number one," he repeats, not for the first time. "Good."
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“Not always fun for you, though, when I think about me first.”
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"That depends on the way you're puttin' yourself first," he points out. "You're workin' on the future, or just messing around in the present?"
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"Don't know that it's petty. You live from day to day long enough, maybe you stop being able to imagine things like that. The future is for other people."
He looks into his coffee and takes a sip.
"But it ain't. The present matters, but so does the future."
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"I don't know what I'm supposed to do about that," she replies. "I could plan for the future all I want, it doesn't do anything to get me there if I've got no control over what happens in the middle."
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He shakes his head. "You know I understand that. Planning big, and keep getting blindsided by Pinkertons, or the weather, or other people fucking up. I always wondered if it was just the magnitude of the plans, gettin' in the way of things."
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"I always thought like that," he agrees. "From when I was a kid, duckin' out underneath my daddy's fists. You know when it changed?"
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